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How to fix a dripping, screaming mixer tap

Turn water off.

Go down to basement to discover someone has stolen all of your tools including all those you inherited from your dad.

Go to buy tools and a washer at B&Q.

It is Sunday and you’ve arrived 10 seconds too late.

B&Q is shut.

Listen to the dripping and wailing of the tap for three weeks.

Go to B&Q to buy adjusting spanner and washers.

Buy the pack with every size of washer ever manufactured.

Discover that cheap adjusting spanners won’t adjust but are good at stripping the edges from nuts.

Find out that the tap uses something called a brass ceramic disc tap valve insert gland cartridge.

Take it apart because you haven’t abandoned the idea that a new washer is the solution.

Wonder how to put these fiddly ceramic bits back in to the brass recess.

You have lots of washers.

Go to B&Q to find that none of the brass ceramic disc tap valve insert gland cartridges are the size you need.

Advised to go to Screwfix

Go to Screwfix.

They don’t stock that size.

Advised to go home and check Amazon.

Stare at brass ceramic disc tap valve insert gland cartridges on Amazon for ten minutes visually comparing those on the screen with the one you have in your hand.

Look for a measuring tape.

Give up looking for a measuring tape.

Give up.

Put brass ceramic disc tap valve insert gland cartridge back in tap.

Turn water back on.

Tap is fixed

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