Home » Label Me: Francesca Baird blogging about autism » Francesca Baird” Autism and Anxiety

Francesca Baird” Autism and Anxiety

Autism and Anxiety. Chapter 8: Searching for Answers

On the night before my third-year exam, I can distinctly recall sitting at the living room table, papers everywhere, thinking that I had not done enough studying. It was 11pm and I was feeling depressed, desperate to go to bed and sleep through the exam. I did not have the mental courage or strength to pull me through it and I simply could not envisage an outcome that would make it all worthwhile. Passing my exam would have been nice and, it would have changed how I felt for a couple of minutes, but I knew it wouldn’t relieve me of my mental turmoil and transform my life for the better. As I was void of positive thoughts about Steve, I did not have the desire or motivation to stay up, studying, all night. I just wanted to run away from everything and everyone, and that is exactly what I did. I went to my bed with the notion that I would see how I felt in the morning before making my decision about whether to attend the exam or not.

I woke up the following morning, unable to move due to anxiety and depression. The mere thought of getting out of my bed was unbearable at best, and excruciatingly mentally debilitating at worst. In desperation to escape my life, and with a growing certainty that I would fail my exam anyway, I reached what seemed like the only sensible conclusion – not to sit the exam and to leave university.

This section: Label Me: Francesca Baird blogging about autism