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Francesca Baird: Blogging about Autism: Work and My Fantasy World

Label Me: My Journey Towards an Autism Diagnosis

Autism and Relationships: Chapter 5. A Fantasy World. 

My first actual conversation with the security guard I fancied occurred when I was standing behind the desk in the shop, counting the day’s takings. I looked up and…oh my goodness, there he was right in front of me. He was with a little boy (his nephew apparently), which I can only assume was to cover the real reason he was in my shop: to see me. I was flustered and flabbergasted but determined to keep my cool. “Hi, how is it going. I am looking for something for my nephew. Any ideas?” I went for options that were reasonably priced and popular with the kids – a pack of touch bubbles or an erupting volcano. He quickly made his decision and opted for the touch bubbles. To be honest, I think he would have taken anything just to speak to me. I could hardly hide the physical effect he was on having on me: I was shaking as I scanned the item and took his money; my heart was racing; I could hardly breathe. I am sure he must have noticed the nervous disposition I was trying to so hard to hide. I had been obsessing over this man for six months and to finally speak to him, was both enthralling and completely unexpected. After he left, I had to wait a few minutes to come down from cloud nine and for my heart rate to return to normal. 

I spent the remainder of my shift in my head, replaying the conversation over and over, trying to decipher what every word meant and what his intentions were. I had noticed a couple of his front teeth were missing when he smiled at me but that didn’t matter – in fact, it made him more appealing since I had quite nice teeth and would therefore be more appealing to him, I thought. Holy crap, he smiled! Actual communication is not something I had considered when I developed my interest in Steve. This added a whole new dynamic to the situation and gave me plenty to think about when I got home that evening. My obsession had reached a new level of intensity.

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