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I Deserve This – a poem for Christmas by Calum Maclean

The talented Glasgow poet Calum Maclean reveals his thoughts on Christmas.

I Deserve This

I must’ve been the architect

of some outrageous larceny,

my henchmen thieving priceless jewels

delivered to me personally.

Presumably, I used that swag

to fund an act of treachery,

facilitated shady deals,

created instability,

ensured elections swung my way,

indulged in bouts of perjury,

assassinated heads of state

who threatened my supremacy,

erected statues nationwide

to boost my masculinity,

had intellectuals replaced

at every University

with courses solely focused

on my personal virility;

watched peaceful nations cowering

when threatened militarily,

on arbitrary charges to

ensure worldwide conformity,

forced subjugated billions to

investigate the galaxy,

find other life and have them all

adopt me as their deity;

retired to a grand estate

I’d had constructed secretly,

to delegate my evil schemes,

and train myself in carpentry,

then bled to death from fingers I

had chiselled inadvertently.

Reborn inside this body to

await my final penalty,

I must’ve thought I’d dodged it when

you said you were in love with me,

but now I know the truth that you

concealed from me so heartlessly,

my final judgement carried out

so cruelly, yet so casually;

the unrelenting tedium

of Christmas with your family.

Calum Maclean, Poet and Aspiring Writer, December, 2017

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