I was driving through town the other day when Elton John's song 'Sorry' came on and the line 'sorry seems to be the hardest word' rang true with me. Why is that I wondered? I know so many people who find it difficult to say sorry and yet it such a little word. Just 5 letters long but it can have the most amazing impact.

There another line that's been made popular through commercialism. 'Love means never having to say you're sorry'

Personally, I think that's a load of pants! It's a cop out for ego junkies. Sorry is a healing word. It allows people to forgive, not necessarily forget, but it helps draw a line and start afresh.

While we're at it, let's take that little word 'love' - it covers a whole load of relationship scenarios with various implications. For example, in a romantic scenario this word can have people running to, or away, from the person that spoke it. This little word can cause tremendous confusion and even fear. For me as a coach what I find interesting are the generalisations, distortions and deletion of facts that take place around this little word.

You see we all have different, dominant representational systems. Some of us are visual and need to be shown love. A certain flower company cottoned on to this one with their tag line "Say it with flowers". Others are auditory and need to hear those 3 little words 'I love you' and other folk have a preference to be touched, cuddled and kissed, 'feeling' the love.

'Thanks' is another little word and well I just love this one. It's so versatile. I use thank you when counting my blessings of which I have many - how about you? When I'm coaching clients on improving their assertiveness I introduce them to the power of 'thank you' and it pleases me how appreciative they are of its impact. For example, the next time you want someone to do something for you instead of ending your request with please, say thank you. You see thank you implies co-operation will given. I've used it with unco-operative teenagers when I was a teacher, with difficult staff as a manager, and with clients and suppliers all with great success.

So, I'd like to give you an action if I may. Try a 'thank you request' and email me to tell me about your experience at [email protected]

Copyright Anne McGhee, Successful Steps 2008

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