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Sgriob

Threat Levels according to Cleese

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I don't normally pass on 'viral' humour, but I make an exception for anything uttered by John Cleese, as follows:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the ######."

They don't have any other levels.

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

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I don't normally pass on 'viral' humour, but I make an exception for anything uttered by John Cleese, as follows:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the ######."

They don't have any other levels.

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

:unsure: Tsk! Tsk! Such stereotypes, Sgriob, but funny. Reminds me of the Smeaton escapade at Glasgow Airport and all the jokes and quotes that were around at that time:

"This is Glasgow, we'll just set about you."

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:unsure: Tsk! Tsk! Such stereotypes, Sgriob, but funny.

I agree. As a proud Scot, I'm not in the least offended by the stereotype. In fact, I like it. Why is that?

Anybody out there who finds it offensive?

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I agree. As a proud Scot, I'm not in the least offended by the stereotype. In fact, I like it. Why is that?

Anybody out there who finds it offensive?

I am never offended. I find it funny being seen as a hardman from Glasgow. When that happens it makes me feel big and tough. I am 5'6" so that is a novelty. :unsure:

What is the reason that you like it, Sgriob.

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What is the reason that you like it, Sgriob.

I don't know really. The Scots DNA seems to contain a fair number of genes for aggression, action, impatience with idiots, and speaking our minds. There's enough truth in the stereotype to make it funny.

I much prefer it to the old unfair and untrue stereotype that we have deep pockets and short arms.

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I remember Billy Connelly talking about the attack on Glasgow Airport. I think he was in Australia at the time and he was howling with laughter when watching security pics on TV. As Billy said 'only in dear bloody Glasgow would a terrorist aflame from head to toe and carrying explosives would find someone wanting a square go with him'

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No doubt the stereotype of the Glasgow hard man got its biggest boost from "No Mean City." Every big city on the planet, and plenty of little ones (cf Juarez, Mex.), have produced horrifyingly violent individuals and communities. Literature transforms such people into stereotypes that last long after their time. I for one refuse any dinner invitation from psychiatrists wearing leather hockey masks, even though I quite like fava beans.

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No doubt the stereotype of the Glasgow hard man got its biggest boost from "No Mean City." Every big city on the planet, and plenty of little ones (cf Juarez, Mex.), have produced horrifyingly violent individuals and communities. Literature transforms such people into stereotypes that last long after their time. I for one refuse any dinner invitation from psychiatrists wearing leather hockey masks, even though I quite like fava beans.

A smart strategy. Don't fava beans give you wind?

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The Glasgow stereotype provides plenty of material for the comedians from Stanley Baxter to Gregor Fisher. You even run into some of these people in real life then it is even funnier and I think that there is a lot of wit among the Glaswegians. There are a lot of characters about. It is one of the reasons I am enjoying being back in the City.

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When stangers ask me where I am from I usually say just outside Glasgow because as soon as I say Glasgow, I get the full ten minutes of tripe about the Gorbals and Rab C Nisbett, invariably followed by a "see you Jimmy."

*yawn*

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When stangers ask me where I am from I usually say just outside Glasgow because as soon as I say Glasgow, I get the full ten minutes of tripe about the Gorbals and Rab C Nisbett, invariably followed by a "see you Jimmy."

*yawn*

For decades I've tried to resist correcting the nice Americans who ask me if I'm Irish or English. Can't do it. I'm driven to put them straight, even when I know I'll be rewarded with a recitation of their entire knowledge of Scots culture, to whit: hagis (sic), bagpipes, whisky, the kilt and its missing undergarment. The ones who adopt a cod Scots brogue are the worst. Being called "laddie" depresses me for days. Anyone who asks me "what's worn under the kilt" gets instantly shut down with extreme prejudice.

In the last month alone TWO well-meaning acquaintances have sent me a link to some eejit singing a song about a kilted man winning first prize.

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For decades I've tried to resist correcting the nice Americans who ask me if I'm Irish or English. Can't do it. I'm driven to put them straight, even when I know I'll be rewarded with a recitation of their entire knowledge of Scots culture, to whit: hagis (sic), bagpipes, whisky, the kilt and its missing undergarment. The ones who adopt a cod Scots brogue are the worst. Being called "laddie" depresses me for days. Anyone who asks me "what's worn under the kilt" gets instantly shut down with extreme prejudice.

In the last month alone TWO well-meaning acquaintances have sent me a link to some eejit singing a song about a kilted man winning first prize.

Many countries would give their right arms (if they had arms) for instantly identifiable brands like that. Much as it makes us squirm, tourists love it and on the international stage it can open doors.

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Many countries would give their right arms (if they had arms) for instantly identifiable brands like that. Much as it makes us squirm, tourists love it and on the international stage it can open doors.

I think you're right about the identifiable brand, samsc. It was the case before 'branding' became big. Although, it doesn't make me squirm at all. I fully expect to see many a spontaneous a Highland Fling and listen to imitations of the Scottish accent when I venture farther afield.

Usually these little displays are then followed up with claims of Scottish heritage. I once met a handsome young African/American at Treviso Airport, who told me that he was related to Bonnie Prince Charlie (Charles Edward Stuart). He was so proud that I wasn't about to query his claim. :rolleyes:

People also find the accent fascinating. I'll be in America and Canada soon and no doubt there will be the usual requests to "say something else". Any ideas regarding what I should say will be gratefully accepted.:angry:

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I have to say I do the "say something else, with a male friend from Savannah, Georgia. Anything he says just oooozes cool, Southern charm. He is always going off to Charlston, which makes me scream with laughter because it invokes an image of JohnBoy and Waltons Mountain to me. I can't quite believe it's a real place.laugh.gif

I am wonder just what kind of accent Sqwibes has these days. My accent is still incredibly Scottish but smoothed out a little so the locals can understand me.tongue.gif

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I am wonder just what kind of accent Sqwibes has these days. My accent is still incredibly Scottish but smoothed out a little so the locals can understand me.tongue.gif

I've been away for forty plus years. When I'm home I'm told my accent is obviously Scots but regionally unplaceable ....West Coast is the usual guess. Over here I've learned to Americanise as a tactic to duck the expected interrogation. I don't get away with it unless I try very hard.

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I've been away for forty plus years. When I'm home I'm told my accent is obviously Scots but regionally unplaceable ....West Coast is the usual guess. Over here I've learned to Americanise as a tactic to duck the expected interrogation. I don't get away with it unless I try very hard.

My sister has been in Canada for almost thirty years but still very noticeable Scottish accent. However, I notice some Canadian intonation and expressions. Also some different names for vegetables such as Zucchini.

When I lived in Chelsea :angry:, many moons ago, I was the spokesperson for the flat of Glaswegians that I shared with. Any transactions with the neighbours had to wait until I was home as I was the only one they could understand. One of my posh flatmates was very put out.

I think the clarity related primarily to the fact that I speak slowly. Too slowly for some as I can drive folk nuts waiting for me to finish a sentence. :rolleyes:

The only change I remember having to make was when I worked at University of London Appointments Board as Assistant Information Officer. Sometimes I had to direct people to room 44 and they thought I was saying 'four two four' instead of 'forty four'. I had to switch to 'foti four' instead of 'fortey four'. :lol:

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The first American word I learned was 'beer.' At first whenever I asked for a beer I'd get 'whut?' in reply. I had to learn to say 'bee-yurr.'

'Geeza pint' never worked either.

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The first American word I learned was 'beer.' At first whenever I asked for a beer I'd get 'whut?' in reply. I had to learn to say 'bee-yurr.'

'Geeza pint' never worked either.

:rolleyes:

What about a hauf 'n' a chaser? :angry:

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Thanks, that's very generous of you. :)

B) Maybe at The Lismore. :)

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