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Pat's Guide to Glasgow West End
The Jolly Jumjoogler

Ye cannae go aff topic oan this threid...

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I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food.

Jeezo, Heidie :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lady engages you in conversation at a supermarket checkout and you give her that loada shite?

Sounds like a missed opporchancity to me, but hey.......call me old-fashioned, ya daft git ye!

:lol:;)

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Lady engages you in conversation at a supermarket checkout and you give her that loada shite?

Ye cannae seeryusly be suprised rolo m'lad. Hedley's ideeya o' a guid chat up line wid be:

Tae an' overweight wumman, "Here, ye don't sweat much furra fat burd."

Tae ony wumman, "Sit oan mah face an' ah'll guess yer weight."

Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?"

Ah'll wayjir that sum numpty wull ask fur tae huv that last wan eksplained

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Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?"

Fell aff ma cherr err. :lol:

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...

Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?"

Ah'll wayjir that sum numpty wull ask fur tae huv that last wan eksplained

Um, I confess I very nearly did. In fact I *would*have , had not the wee note at the end alerted me to give it some thought. :lol: Caution, slow brain here. Coffee input required. :lol:

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Lissin youse shower o sladeruurs Ah me masel um a happilie merrit man an widny contemplate engagin wummins in thon kinda conversation that the arch perv JJ sais Ah did or wid!

An Rolovuur Ah point oot tae yer affy ny-eev sel that the story wis jist at a story an liftit frae ra web annaw! :lol:

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Notre Dame:

I did a post on another thread and opined that the uni of Notre Dame, Indiana, had adopted blue and gold as their colours....at this time i wid like tae add that the Perth Panthers colours were orange and black. The Panthers consistanly defeated the Paisley Pirates and the Ayr Raiders.

tam

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JJ:

am inclined tae think that thon might have been a suggestion. However, we are talking aboot Perth and the suggestion "Tigers" would probably have split the toon in half with one side wanting "Siberia" and the ithurs wanting "India".

tam

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Lissin youse shower o sladeruurs Ah me masel um a happilie merrit man an widny contemplate engagin wummins in thon kinda conversation that the arch perv JJ sais Ah did or wid!

An Rolovuur Ah point oot tae yer affy ny-eev sel that the story wis jist at a story an liftit frae ra web annaw! :lol:

Ach, dinnae spoil it for us all noo, Hedley! :lol:

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Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! :lol:

:lol: har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ ;)

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Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! :lol:

;) har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ :P

I'm not seeing any slanders against you, Heidie. I see some good-natured jokes with no ill-intent towards anybody. But you know that already! ;)

But however, sure, if you wanna make a complaint, PM me or one of the other mods, rather than on the public site.

Wouldnae be the first time! :lol:

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Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! :lol:

;) har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ ;)

Aye, that's you put the wind up me, heidie. :lol:

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Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! :lol:

:lol: har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ ;)

Hahaha, in a thread where Heidie names himself gentil, well, I don't think that slander is possible, really. ;)

Now, take it easy, Heidie.

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Curling, the roaring game:

World Championship (Ladies) is being played the noo.....Scotland has a very guid team. Mibee ye wid get long odds and a quid or two invested might be a money maker.

tam

Canada and China are probably the favourites.

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Curling, the roaring game:

World Championship (Ladies) is being played the noo.....Scotland has a very guid team. Mibee ye wid get long odds and a quid or two invested might be a money maker.

tam

Canada and China are probably the favourites.

Is that to do with hairdressing?

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No Oz,

haredressing hastae dae with cookery school, either cordon bleu or chef boy ar D.

tam

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No Oz,

haredressing hastae dae with cookery school, either cordon bleu or chef boy ar D.

tam

Dae they curl their lugs or dress them in bunny suits??

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