Jump to content
Pat's Guide to Glasgow West End

Ye cannae go aff topic oan this threid...


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 3.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Odd Socks:

Many years ago, I was a customer of the Bank of Montreal. They had approved a loan which let me secure a mortgage. The manager told me that my credit rating was a mess and added, "but we are supposed to be here to help people": nae chance thon wid happen the day. Oanyway, the mortgage had been arranged at another bank but I did all the rest of my banking at the B of M.

A year or so later and the wife says, "there's cheques came for somebody that need tae be returned tae the bank", and I delivered them to one of the tellers.

Two weeks pass and we get mair cheques for the ithur person. Am thinking it was a payday and I had tae wait in line, at the bank. A very young lassie, new tae this branch is gonnae serve me.

Furst I hand over the cheques and tell her that they were delivered to my hoose, by mistake. She awa we them and comes back saying, "no, this address is correct, it is on Mr. Whatever's card". I says tae her, "really" and she assures me that this is definitely the address listed for Mr. Whatever.

"Well", I says, "furst i wid like Mr. Whatever tae start payin half the mortgage" and she looks a wee bit puzzled. Then i says, "and another thing, this may solve the problem of the socks, thirsty-seven odd socks and I have been saying it's the washing machine or the dryer eating them....i just bet it's him".

She sort of excuses herself and goes tae get her boss. She is coming back with the assistant manager, a woman acquainted with me, and is saying......and now he is talking about odd socks and his washing machine is eating them. The assistant manager looks at me and says tae the lassie, "i'll look after this", then she smiles and shakes her head while walking back tae her desk.

tam

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I wish him well.

Hell though, that boay needs to acquire a sense of humour. So thrawn in his press interviews, like he's been taking lessons from Kimi Raikkonen. Dull, dull, dull.

Thon mother of his needs to lighten up a bit an aw, if you ask me. :lol:

It's only a game of tennis, hardly life or death.... :o

Link to post
Share on other sites

Andy Murrays doing well

...

If he wins final first Brit for 74 years

Fingers crossed for the final.

Oh, if he wins, he'll be British all right. Might be Scottish if he loses. :lol: Good luck to him anyway.

(I saw a bit of the thing on television news: it all seems to happen on a BLUE coloured tennis court. Is blue considered psychologically better in some way? Or better for television? Or just the colour some manufacturer of fake grass for tennis purposes happened to have a lot of in stock?)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, if he wins, he'll be British all right. Might be Scottish if he loses. :D Good luck to him anyway.

(I saw a bit of the thing on television news: it all seems to happen on a BLUE coloured tennis court. Is blue considered psychologically better in some way? Or better for television? Or just the colour some manufacturer of fake grass for tennis purposes happened to have a lot of in stock?)

I think it's an indoors court. Which is a surprising thing in a land of sunshine and loveliness.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When insults had a touch of class.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."

-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

-- Winston Churchill, in response

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

-- John Bright

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."

-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."

-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."

-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."

-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."

-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

-- Billy Wilder

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's an indoors court. Which is a surprising thing in a land of sunshine and loveliness.

Well yes, it is an indoors court. I don't really care very much, but it was just one of those wee wondering moments that come along to attack the brain. I found myself thinking "well, if we are abandoning the idea of green even for utterly fake grass, why not bright red with green and yellow stripes? Or polka dots of all colours all over the place? Or black and white like a chess board? You have a good point, though - given that Australia does indeed market itself on the whole idea of "sunshine and loveliness", how odd. :( So much for all those tourist "come to Oz" adverts then, if they don't trust the weather.

If this were to become a trend, I can think of one Glasgow football team that might like to have the grass blue instead of green. :D

And, just before anyone else does it first, there's always thon old joke wherein telly/radio interviewer asks clever good tennis-playing man

"And, tell me, do you prefer grass or Astroturf?"

"Well, I don't know, really. I've never smoked Astroturf"

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's an indoors court. Which is a surprising thing in a land of sunshine and loveliness.

Its outdoor with a closing roof.

Its really too hot in Melbourne for decent grass courts they dont survive long

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well yes, it is an indoors court. I don't really care very much, but it was just one of those wee wondering moments that come along to attack the brain. You have a good point, though - given that Australia does indeed market itself on the whole idea of "sunshine and loveliness", how odd. :D So much for all those tourist "come to Oz" adverts then, if they don't trust the weather.

Its a matter of size. Weather tends to vary from place to place & time to time

ozimage-1.jpg

Its BIG

Link to post
Share on other sites

Aye, well, it's a start Maggs! And only fair to point out that apart from the petition started by our two local Labour MPs, our local councillor Mary Paris had a hand in getting this addressed as well...

Have to say I lol'd at the bit about Firstbus wanting to save their carbon footprint on the route. My arse :(

They tried to get away with cutting the route because their number-crunchers declared it uneconomic. Absolutely NO concern about any notion of public service, whatsoever.

I also complained and will keep on doing so, about the sheer inadequacy of the vehicle stock. The 11 runs through residential areas where a lot of the people who rely on it are elderly, young families with prams and toddlers and w*rking people wi their food shopping.

Try getting THAT lot up the steep narrow stairs of the ancient rolling stock :D And when the vintage double decker is full, as is so aye is, same folks simply can't negotiate the next set of stairs up to the top deck---- so they have to stand.

IMHO my £1.65 should give me the same standard of service as every other bus route in city. Accessibility, comfort and capacity.

It's ###### ridiculous what FirstBus think they can get away wi on our route. Taking the total piss, they are.

It ain't over :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I prefer this map:

Ozmap.jpg

:lol:

Hamsterbert, I don't think it's fake grass, as such, I think it's a different type of surface, probably a bit rubbery so they don't slip. I'd like some black and white checked grass to play chess/draughts etc etc on :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...