ozneil 0 Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 bewdy! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rolo tomassi 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food. Jeezo, Heidie :lol: Lady engages you in conversation at a supermarket checkout and you give her that loada shite? Sounds like a missed opporchancity to me, but hey.......call me old-fashioned, ya daft git ye! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Jolly Jumjoogler 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Lady engages you in conversation at a supermarket checkout and you give her that loada shite? Ye cannae seeryusly be suprised rolo m'lad. Hedley's ideeya o' a guid chat up line wid be: Tae an' overweight wumman, "Here, ye don't sweat much furra fat burd." Tae ony wumman, "Sit oan mah face an' ah'll guess yer weight." Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?" Ah'll wayjir that sum numpty wull ask fur tae huv that last wan eksplained Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HollowHorn 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?" Fell aff ma cherr err. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hamsterbert 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 ... Tae a wumman waitin et an airport carousel fur hur luggij, "Ur ye lukkin fur yer holdall?" Ah'll wayjir that sum numpty wull ask fur tae huv that last wan eksplained Um, I confess I very nearly did. In fact I *would*have , had not the wee note at the end alerted me to give it some thought. Caution, slow brain here. Coffee input required. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
heidcase 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Lissin youse shower o sladeruurs Ah me masel um a happilie merrit man an widny contemplate engagin wummins in thon kinda conversation that the arch perv JJ sais Ah did or wid! An Rolovuur Ah point oot tae yer affy ny-eev sel that the story wis jist at a story an liftit frae ra web annaw! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tam 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Notre Dame: I did a post on another thread and opined that the uni of Notre Dame, Indiana, had adopted blue and gold as their colours....at this time i wid like tae add that the Perth Panthers colours were orange and black. The Panthers consistanly defeated the Paisley Pirates and the Ayr Raiders. tam Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Jolly Jumjoogler 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 ...at this time i wid like tae add that the Perth Panthers colours were orange and black. Shood they mibbes no huv been the Perth Tigers then? Jist wunnerin like. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tam 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 JJ: am inclined tae think that thon might have been a suggestion. However, we are talking aboot Perth and the suggestion "Tigers" would probably have split the toon in half with one side wanting "Siberia" and the ithurs wanting "India". tam Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rolo tomassi 0 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Lissin youse shower o sladeruurs Ah me masel um a happilie merrit man an widny contemplate engagin wummins in thon kinda conversation that the arch perv JJ sais Ah did or wid! An Rolovuur Ah point oot tae yer affy ny-eev sel that the story wis jist at a story an liftit frae ra web annaw! Ach, dinnae spoil it for us all noo, Hedley! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
heidcase 0 Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rolo tomassi 0 Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ I'm not seeing any slanders against you, Heidie. I see some good-natured jokes with no ill-intent towards anybody. But you know that already! But however, sure, if you wanna make a complaint, PM me or one of the other mods, rather than on the public site. Wouldnae be the first time! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ozneil 0 Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Gawd Affi-davits at dawn again!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pat 0 Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ Aye, that's you put the wind up me, heidie. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HollowHorn 0 Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Yi dae know how tae pit the wind up, dain't yi Heidliss? Yi jist pit yir lips thegither an' blaw. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
heidcase 0 Posted March 20, 2009 Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Naw,thats whistle Hollow heid,whit is whit you kin go dae..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Jolly Jumjoogler 0 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Naw,thats whistle Hollow heid,whit is whit you kin go dae..... How kin he possibly whissle, when he huz a pint tummler permanently stuck tae his lips? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
heidcase 0 Posted March 20, 2009 Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Aye yer rite JJ and peyed fur by sumwan else annaw! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HollowHorn 0 Posted March 20, 2009 Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hus emdy goat Joe Beltrami's nummer? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peony 0 Posted March 20, 2009 Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Spoil it fuggaw...aw youse mods hud bettuur get busy editin ra slanduurs oota iss threed or Ahm goanie sue ra drawers aff Patrishah an Ah know fine yese ur aw wary as a huntit deer aboot upsetin her web clyintell an yer gentil reeduurs whit includes me brw! har de har............... an Ahm no kiddin................ Hahaha, in a thread where Heidie names himself gentil, well, I don't think that slander is possible, really. Now, take it easy, Heidie. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
heidcase 0 Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Peony,ye shuild ken Ah alweys hiv ma tung in ma cheek! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tam 0 Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Curling, the roaring game: World Championship (Ladies) is being played the noo.....Scotland has a very guid team. Mibee ye wid get long odds and a quid or two invested might be a money maker. tam Canada and China are probably the favourites. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ozneil 0 Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Curling, the roaring game: World Championship (Ladies) is being played the noo.....Scotland has a very guid team. Mibee ye wid get long odds and a quid or two invested might be a money maker. tam Canada and China are probably the favourites. Is that to do with hairdressing? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tam 0 Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 No Oz, haredressing hastae dae with cookery school, either cordon bleu or chef boy ar D. tam Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ozneil 0 Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 No Oz, haredressing hastae dae with cookery school, either cordon bleu or chef boy ar D. tam Dae they curl their lugs or dress them in bunny suits?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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