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PRIMARY SCHOOLS TO ADMIT CHICKENS

EDUCATION secretary Ed Balls last night called on primary schools to allocate places to baby chickens in a bid to improve results.

As recent research showed that week-old poultry have a better grasp of arithmetic than 75% of Britain's eight year-olds, Mr Balls said it was time to give tiny chicks full access to the state education system.

He said: "We must never forget the most important part of our education system is the targets I set based on the next Labour manifesto.

"If tiny chicks do the job then great, but I'm happy to use pigs, lizards, stoats, it doesn't matter as long as the ###### can count to three."

Mr Balls added: "Chick enrolment will also reduce the cost of new school buildings as, by my reckoning, we can cram at least 800 of them into a filing cabinet.

"And it means we could sell off the rest of the playing fields, given that baby chickens have little or no interest in PE."

A pilot scheme will be launched after the Easter break when more than 4000 hatchlings will be delivered to Crays Hill primary school in Essex in a bid to push them up the league table.

The local education authority hopes the birds will help to deliver a 'B' grade average for the school, but if not they can always be gassed, plucked and deep fried in bread crumbs.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7975260.stm

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"Practise"

an appeal tae the scholars amonst yeese.

I was having a gander at "Marmion", in particular the couplet, "oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we partiSe to deceive"....and as per usual it took me a dog's age tae find what i was looking for.

One of the by-ways, which i happened upon, had an entry from a person who had submitted a paper on "Marmion". The writer of the paper explained, "the spelling, "practiSe" does alter the meaning significantly" and I cannae see why: practice and practise are synonymous, are they no ?

tam

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"Practise"

an appeal tae the scholars amonst yeese.

I was having a gander at "Marmion", in particular the couplet, "oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we partiSe to deceive"....and as per usual it took me a dog's age tae find what i was looking for.

One of the by-ways, which i happened upon, had an entry from a person who had submitted a paper on "Marmion". The writer of the paper explained, "the spelling, "practiSe" does alter the meaning significantly" and I cannae see why: practice and practise are synonymous, are they no ?

tam

Practice is a noun ... practise is a verb ... or is it the other way round? :angry:

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"Practise"

an appeal tae the scholars amonst yeese.

I was having a gander at "Marmion", in particular the couplet, "oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we partiSe to deceive"....and as per usual it took me a dog's age tae find what i was looking for.

One of the by-ways, which i happened upon, had an entry from a person who had submitted a paper on "Marmion". The writer of the paper explained, "the spelling, "practiSe" does alter the meaning significantly" and I cannae see why: practice and practise are synonymous, are they no ?

tam

Hardly a scholar, me, Tam but I think there might be a subtle difference between the two usages.

To practice something would mean to me that you rehearse it by repeatedly doing it, as in practicing a piano piece.

However, to practise brings to my mind the carrying out of a profession, such as law or medicine for example. Which one does when one is qualified to do so and makes a living from it.

So if you apply that to "Oh what a tangled web etc" I think there is a difference in meaning. Well, in the Queen's English, if you get my drift. Probably a bit more confusing when you consider the difference in spelling between so many US and UK words.

Could be wrong but I seem to recall the original phrase being 'practise' in the 'English' sense.

(Sure hope none of the medics or legals I encounter are 'practicing' either... ;):lol: :lol:

You say tomato, I say tomaetoe... :angry:

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Rolo:

I agree wholeheartedly....also wished i had written your reply. I am using the quote in a letter to "Scots Law" and i wull definitely highlight the spelling.

tam

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In the U.K. usage of the English language, as she iz spoke, "practise" is the verb and "practice" is the noun. It really is that simple, honestly. I see that this involves my disagreeing with Rolo, but what the hell, I am a brave wee Hamster, and surely Rolo will not come along and thump me. Well, not much. :lol:(Painful SQUEAK eeeeeeeek)

U.S.A. usage is "practice" for both verb and noun, and I must say I am not sure which convention Canada follows.

An easy way to get children to remember is is to ask them to remember that "advise" is a verb, and "advice" is a noun. Well, that sort of mnemonic worked for my simple wee head anyway, way back when.

We can now go on to discuss "license" and "licence" if we really want to get bored, and guess what, "licenSe" is the verb and "licenCe" is the noun. Small pattern emerging. see? You might think it would be obvious, but not for the sort of wee corner shop things that are "licenced grocers" and often sell potatoe's". They do tend to get fantasticly comfused about syboes. :( There *are* occasional outbreaks of semi-logic in English. Not many, mind. Perhaps we need an invasion of something a bit more logical. Ooh, like German. :lol:

As for the "Marmion" quotation; because I once heard a dreadful librarianship pun* about it - "practising to retrieve" (instead of "deceive") , I have ever thought of that quotation in that way, using the wrong word, and I visualise a bundle of mad young Lab retriever puppies making a tangled web when they first practise to retrieve. Which, of course, they do, when they first practise what will later become their usual practice.

* Naw, don't even bother to ask "is there any other kind?"

Just don't.

Just gonnae no dae that?

And don't even get me started on dimwits who have problems with "effect" and "affect". There would be Grrrrrrrrr.

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We get round the syboes problem by calling them Spring Onions ( I think) also Georgettes are Zuchunis & egg plant is another one for which I cant remember the UK name, Crisps are chips here, bangers are snags, rot boxes are rust buckets ( our cars are bigger) & how any human can pronounce "ch" as in Loch is beyond me.

Nothwithstanding the above I find American English a rather non "U" language eg Labor, humor, neighbor, Nited States etc & fancy pronouncing zed zee.

Hows about Enquiries & Inquiries Hammy?

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We get round the syboes problem by calling them Spring Onions ( I think) also Georgettes are Zuchunis & egg plant is another one for which I cant remember the UK name, Crisps are chips here, bangers are snags, rot boxes are rust buckets ( our cars are bigger) & how any human can pronounce "ch" as in Loch is beyond me.

Nothwithstanding the above I find American English a rather non "U" language eg Labor, humor, neighbor, Nited States etc & fancy pronouncing zed zee.

Hows about Enquiries & Inquiries Hammy?

Zed Zed Top jist disnae huv ra same ring tae it.................

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In the U.K. usage of the English language, as she iz spoke, "practise" is the verb and "practice" is the noun. It really is that simple, honestly. I see that this involves my disagreeing with Rolo, but what the hell, I am a brave wee Hamster, and surely Rolo will not come along and thump me. Well, not much. :lol:(Painful SQUEAK eeeeeeeek)

U.S.A. usage is "practice" for both verb and noun, and I must say I am not sure which convention Canada follows.

Well now, I'm gonna disagree, Hammy, because I think practise and practice are BOTH verbs in the English lingo. With slightly different meanings.

Only practice is a noun tho! <isn't it?>

Promice you won't thump me for disagreeing! :):( <ouch>

You know what, I'm almost tempted to tweet Stephen Fry for his definitive opinion. If only I could remember the question........ :lol:

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Practice is a noun ... practise is a verb ... or is it the other way round? :lol:

That's always been my understanding of the usage of the two words.

However, according to dictionary.com Rolo's explanation is correct.

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See over the last two weeks:

repartee between HH and Nota has been extremely humourous, aided and abetted with the occasional prod from Heidcase.

Also am wondering whaur in hell Hingmie has disappeared tae.

tam

PS the above is my "ehm" from another thread.

PPS am sometimes tempted tae ask lady passengers oan the bus if they wid mind giein me a hug for my birthday, problem is, my birthday isnae for another eight months.

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See over the last two weeks:

repartee between HH and Nota has been extremely humourous, aided and abetted with the occasional prod from Heidcase.

Also am wondering whaur in hell Hingmie has disappeared tae.

tam

PS the above is my "ehm" from another thread.

PPS am sometimes tempted tae ask lady passengers oan the bus if they wid mind giein me a hug for my birthday, problem is, my birthday isnae for another eight months.

Where duz heidcase get these occasional "prods" frae, diz he dae occasional kaffliks, hindoos and 4by2s as well?

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Nota:

am no sure who he does or disnae but having met the hale and hearty man am inclined tae think that his appetite wid be bordering oan prodigious.

Should ye chance tae meet him in the not too distant future, perhaps, if it widnae seem seemly, wid ye drop a hint tae the maestro that am no prodding anyone....this jist in case he is over-burdened.

tam

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On not being jealous:-

Thinking aboot the American couple and their planned journey tae Scotland, "resentfully suspicious" am no. The thread they started is a very good read....reminded me of a very special time in my life. Nostalgia, homesickness and a longing for my ain folk did their level best tae take a bit of the shine off an overall wonderful trip but in the end the contributers to the thread re-awakened memories of interesting places, good times and warm personalities.

The San Fransicoans wull be arriving too late for May Daze but everything else that was mentioned will be theirs to enjoy. I would hope that a play a pie and a pint would be an experience which gives them memories to equal my own, but am no sure that is possible.

Widn't it be something if this couple travelled aw the way frae San Fran, ran intae a bunch of glasgowestenders who were enjoying a swally at the Three Judges, (if that is the name of the starting point) and then went tae a restaurant specializing in "Indian" food....and that "Indian" is referring tae the sub continent and no tae be confussed by the North American lot thit wid probably serve some racoon stew or beaver tails.

tam

sometimes it's difficult no tae be jealous.

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On not being jealous:-

Thinking aboot the American couple and their planned journey tae Scotland, "resentfully suspicious" am no. The thread they started is a very good read....reminded me of a very special time in my life. Nostalgia, homesickness and a longing for my ain folk did their level best tae take a bit of the shine off an overall wonderful trip but in the end the contributers to the thread re-awakened memories of interesting places, good times and warm personalities.

The San Fransicoans wull be arriving too late for May Daze but everything else that was mentioned will be theirs to enjoy. I would hope that a play a pie and a pint would be an experience which gives them memories to equal my own, but am no sure that is possible.

Widn't it be something if this couple travelled aw the way frae San Fran, ran intae a bunch of glasgowestenders who were enjoying a swally at the Three Judges, (if that is the name of the starting point) and then went tae a restaurant specializing in "Indian" food....and that "Indian" is referring tae the sub continent and no tae be confussed by the North American lot thit wid probably serve some racoon stew or beaver tails.

tam

sometimes it's difficult no tae be jealous.

are ye missing the west end beaver Tam

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Brilliant Sam:

And a subtitle could be, "if only it were so". According tae some, when i visited, last spring, i was met at the airport by a widow and proceeded to spend my time with said widow.

tam

reminds me....i need tae answer the court papers.

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Snooky:

am just wondering if i missed something.......is he mibee oan holiday ? Guidness sake i hope there hasnae been a civil war and he has taken the huff.

tam

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And speaking of hols:

The woman thit teaches clogging is going to Europe, for a month......Austria, France and Italy. Her plans for France centre primarily on "Provence" and she will be there in June. It just so happens that I was rooting through one of the dresser drawers, yesterday, and a cachet of dried lavender cast an aromatic net aroond my imagination. Dwelling much of my time in my imagination is mibee no a mature thing tae dae but it really is comfy.

tam

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