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Pat's Guide to Glasgow West End

The Jolly Jumjoogler

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Everything posted by The Jolly Jumjoogler

  1. To answer Hingmie's original question - Vancouver. Mrs Jumjooger's sister is living there right now, as she and her man are two years into a three-year work placement in Victoria through his company. I'll fly directly there from work in Trinidad and will meet the missus there. I'll fly back to Trinidad once my month is up and she can stay on and spend some extra time with her sister, which will be nice for them as they are very close. We had three weeks there last year and it was hot and sunny for all but half of one day. Vancouver Island is enormous and there is so much to see and do there. On top of that, a pleasant ferry trip takes you to Vancouver City and everywhere surrounding - such as Whistler. Vancouver has recently been voted one of the top city destinations in the world and I can see why, although there are other cities I personally prefer - such as Sydney and San Francisco. Another short ferry ride will take you to Port Angeles in Washington State. Last year we drove right around Olympic National Park with the intention of staying in the State capital, Olympia, only to find that there were three major events taking place and not a bed to be had within a one-hour drive. So, plenty of options, with the choice of repeating some of last year's trips or planning to see completely new places. Until I visited Canada, it held absolutely no appeal for me. I can't believe how blinkered, and how wrong, I was, though I should have known as I had exactly the same attitude toward Australia until I went there. Anyway, can't wait.
  2. This story raises so many issues. However, the issue of most immediate importance must surely relate to the fairness of the Nat Fraser trial. If the prosection perverted the course of justice in the original trial, then the decision to uphold his appeal is correct and shows Scots law to be flawed in this case. However, what are the potential ramifications for the future of Scots law if the UKSC decision ultimately leads to a retrial which results in his subsequent release? The question which would then tweak my conscience would be, how do we balance that outcome, and it's potential impact on the future independance of Scots law, without consideration for whether or not Nat Fraser is truly innocent or guilty?
  3. I agree with Borderlass. This smacks of some sort of social experiment and isn't something to which parents should be subjecting their kids. They can have no idea of the potential psycholigical effects this could have on the child - over and above having to answer to such a stupid name. Chances are, that at a very early age, the child will be subjected to abuse, ridicule and physical attempts to illicit his / her true gender. The more this world (supposedly) develops, the more I wonder where it is all heading.
  4. The great thing aboot grandweans is ye kin haun thum back when yer knackered an' need a brek.
  5. Saw this bloke yisterday and he wiz drivin an RAC van an' crying his eyes oot. Ah thot tae masel, "That guy's heading fur a breakdown".
  6. Jist chekke3d the result an we loast 1-2 tae a goal in injury time. That happins tae us a lot an, if we dinnae learn tae tighten up et the end o gemmes, we vwull be fur the drap fur shoor. Nice tae know yez ur thinkin aboot me tho'.
  7. An Arabic family wis considerin pittin thur grandfaither, Abdullah, intae a nursin hame. A' the Arabic facilities wur cumpletely full, so they hud tae pit him intae an Italyin hame. Efter a fyoo weeks in the Italyin facility, they came tae visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asks the grandson. "It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful", says grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, no!" says the auld yin, "Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdullah says wi' a big smile. "There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still say, "here comes the 'Maestro'". There is also a judge in here - he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'. Then there's a dentist, - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still says, "here comes 'The Doctor'". "And me - I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still say, "here comes that F*kk*n Arab". Byrawiy, ah liked Sams "Joke of the Year"
  8. I recently paid three kwid fur two feet of Velcro. What a rip off.
  9. I watched the first "An Idiot Abroad" before heading back here to work and thought it was brilliant. Karl Pilkington was visiting the Great Wall of China and giving his own take on the whole experience. To be honest, I wasn't always sure whether he was being genuinely and naturally funny, or if some of it was scripted between him, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. Either way, I've got Mrs Jumjoogler recording the show while I'm away, so will be watching it all when I get back. I believe he's been to the Taj Mahal and Petra since I've been over here, so my guess is he may be visiting the Seven Modern Wonders of the World. Worth tuning in, as it's informative as well as very funny. I think it's on every Thursday, but not sure which channel.
  10. I leave here on Monday 25th, but don't get home until Tuesday afternoon. Anytime after that should be a possibility for me.
  11. What are the dates for your planned trip Tam? I'm due home in two weeks.
  12. Reflections of a Vancouver vacation: http:// http:// http:// http:// http:// http:// http:// http:// http://
  13. Glorious defeat. That's a fraze ah've becum accustomed tae ower mah many years follying Scotland. It's whit wur guid et. It's whit we dae. It's nae consolayshin ataw if ye really think aboot it.
  14. Paddy is passin by Mick's barn wan day when, throo a gap in the door, he sees Mick daein a slow an' sensual striptease in front o' an auld red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched, Mick performs a slow pirouette an' gently slides aff furst the right rubber boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shooders forward an', in a classic striptease move, lets 'is braces fa' doon fae 'is shooders tae dangle by 'is hips ower his corduroy troosers . Grabbin' baith sides o' his check shirt, he rips it apart tae reveal his tea-stained vest unnerneath and wi' a final flourish, he hurls 'is flat cap oan tae a pile o' hay. "What on earth are ye doin Mick", asks Paddy. "Jayzuz Paddy, ye frightened the livin' shoite out of me", says an obviously embarrassed Mick. "Me and the missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department." "She's just been showin no interest in me at all at all, so Oi visited one of them sex therapists" "So how is what yer doin now goin to help?", asked a puzzled Paddy. "Well," says Mick, " the therapist told me Oi should do something sexy to a tractor."
  15. Ah remember years ago - mair years than ah wid care tae admit - ah read in a newspaper aboot a list o' books banned in America. Nachurly, ah set aboot readin as minny oan the list as ah cood. Noo, while ah read sevril oan the list postit therr by Lynnski, (Grapes of Wrath, Animal Far, 1984 and Ivan Denisovich tae name but a few), thur wur ithers ah read fae that list long ago which don't appear in the list above. Like Lynnski, ah also thot The Crucible wiz oan the list, coz it portrayed the McCarthy witch-hunts. Ah'm also convinced that Catcher in the Rye, Catch 22 and Slaughterhouse Five wur oan mah list anaw, as that wiz whit inspired me tae read thum in the furst place. Ah huv tae say that these remain amongst the bestest books whit ah iver red.
  16. Well, ah know this is the threid wheer ye cannae go aff topic, but whooda thunk that, efter 112 payjiz, containin 2,238 further contribyooshins, we wid get back tae the same subject as the orijinul post? This kwote is fae the very furst post made oan this threid: "The two-foot long burd ca'd the Kea, whit lives in Nyoo Zealind, likes tae eat the strips o' rubber aroon caur windaes!" Spooky ur whit?
  17. That's a kweschin ah jist cannae answer. Ah wiz nivver the bravest o' sowels, so why ah pit masel throo that kinna ekspeeryince twice a week, ivery week, is beyond me. Ah must huv been even dafter than ah remember. Ye coodnae piy me enuff tae go in a place like that nooadays.
  18. Oddly enuff, ah kin vouch fur that. Ah've thot that ony many occasions oan here. Paisley Road West, no' too faur ootside Paisley. The fayvrit idea wiz tae hae a cuppla drinks in the Quo Vadis an' then head alang the road tae jine the queue for the Flam. This involved crossin Berryknowes Road which, laytur oan in the evenin, wid come intae play in the terror described in mah prevyus post regardin leavin et the end o' the night. Basically, fur sum strange reezin, maist peepul who goat chased by the Govan Team wid take a sharp right intae Berryknowes Road. Probably rether than stiyin oan the straight Paisley Road West an' hopin yoo wur faster than ivry wan o' them. Course, the Govan boays soon realised this tae be the case, so summy thum wid head roon the coarner tae lie in wait fur the puir bugger gettin chased. Whit wiz handy aboot that wiz, it's no that faur alang Berryknowes tae ye come tae Craigton Crematorium, meanin ye hudnae that faur tae travel efter they killed ye. Ah mind kewin up wan night, (thur wiz a band oan an' it wiz eethur Edison Lighthoose ur the Bay City Roolers afore they hit the big time), an' cozzy the band, the kew wiz longer than usual. So, ah gets chattin tae this burd, (men ca' wimmen burds coz thur aye pickin up wurms - wee feminist joke fur yez therr), ah'n we ur gettin oan faymously. Ah rekkon ah'm in therr and hud jist tapped mah mate fur some dosh so'z ah cood piy hur in, (it wiz 10 shillins entrance fee ah'll huv ye know), when this bloke jumps the kew an' sterts chattin tae hur. Huvvin been in the booze boutique afore headin tae the Flam, ah wiz fulla the auld Dutch courage an' wiz akshully checkin this boay oot tae see if ah thot ah cood take him in a skwerr go, (well, he hud skipped the kew an' he wiz also cuttin mah grass wi' the aforemenshint burd), when she decides tae introduce us. She say tae him, "Xxxxx, this is John, a guid friend o' the family", an' ah get even mair peeved coz ah kin sense ah'm aboot tae get the bum's rush. Then, thank Goad, she turns an' says tae me, wi' hur eyes burnin intae mine, "John, this is mah boyfriend Xxxxx, he's the leader-aff o' the Govan Team". Two-faced cowardly bastirt that ah um, ah chainge mah demeanour toot sweet an' jist aboot gie him a luv bite right therr in frunt o' the foyer. Ah wiz pumpin his erm like wanny them auld watter wells ye see in the black 'n' white movies. He tells me jist tae menshin his name, (which ah remember vividly tae this day - an' naw, it wisnae really Xxxxx), if ah iver get ony bother fae the boays oan the Govan side o' the flair. Suddenly ah'm feelin a loat mair upbeat an' kwite chirpy, if the trooth be telt, when the twice aforemenshint burd bursts mah bubble by sayin tae xxxxx, as she luks me straight in the face, "John huz kindly said he wull piy me in". Needless tae say, thur wiz nae hamburger fur me oan the wiy hame that night. Thur wiz nivver onybuddy waitin tae chase me up Berryknowes Road eethur, so ah guess ye huv tae settle furra healthy balance o' expeeryinces sumtimes.
  19. Joanna's wiz mah fayvrit haunt in the early tae mid 70's, though the Albert upstairs wiz considurred tae be fur auld farts. Went tae Tiffany's anaw, but found it a bit anaemic. Ah laytur moved upmarket, ur so ah thot, by freekwentin The White Elephant. Afore a' that, ah risked mah life an' went tae the Flamingo ivry weekend tae ah goat a gubbin wan night. Ye hud tae be bevvied tae go tae The Flam, as it hud mair fights than Madison Skwerr Gardens ivry Friday an' Seturday. The Govan Team wid be lined up oan wan side o' the dance flair, wi' the likes o' the Gallahill Team an' ither Paisley, Renfra an, Tail o' the Bank types lined oan the ither side. When ye left et the end o' the night, ye just hud tae hope the crowd et the door wur waitin fur sumbuddy else. Then ye wid sit oan yer dubble decker, waitin tae head fur all points West, an' watch tae see who they did chase, wanst ye hud breathed the audible sigh o' relief when ye realised it wisnae gonnae be yoo. Only iver went tae The Maryland tae see bands like East of Eden, UFO and Uriah Heep. Ah did go dancin therr in laytur yeers, wanst it hud chainged tae Maestro's under Unicorn Leisure, an' laytur still as The Cotton Club. Readin that back, it's hard tae buleev ah huv affy fond memories o' it a'.
  20. Never takes long, diz it? Don't blame me fur the poor effurt byrawiy, sumbuddy sent me it in an e-mail.
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