Mary Irvine blogging about Greek: What Exactly is Love?

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Mary Irvine blogging about Greek: What Exactly is Love?

I was originally going to speak about the love that dare not speak its name/the Greeks invented it etc and get onto my soapbox. The former phrase comes from the poem ‘Two Loves’ by Lord Alfred Douglas (printed in the Chameleon in 1896)

“I am the Love that dare not speak its name.”

However, whilst making notes on Homosexuality in Ancient/Classical Greece I paused and thought about the love/hate relationship I have with Modern Greece. Should I pause again now whilst you groan? That’s rhetorical as I’m now about to delve into Classical and Modern Greek

What exactly is Love?

Go into any good coffee shop today and we are faced with an amazing range of words to describe the specific coffee we require. Gone are the days when black or white sufficed. Cappuccino, espresso, latte, macchiato, au lait, espesseo,Turkish, Vienna frappé, filter (how mundane), instant (ugh), liqueur – not to mention all the variants!

Yet when it comes to love the English word ‘love’ is used equally to express the deeper feelings in close relationships as well as to end a quick email/text or the modern’ Love you’ that is now banded about indiscriminately. Modern Greek is much more precise. And Classical Greek even more so.

Probably the two most commonly used words in Modern Greek are αγάπη (agápē) and φιλία (philia). The first, αγάπη, always appears in love songs such (Σ’αγαπώ), which means ‘I love you’. It doesn’t always mean sexual love. I’ll come to that later! In Ancient Greece it indicated selfless love. This was a love that you extended to all people, whether family members or distant strangers. Agápē was later translated into Latin as caritas, which is the origin of our word “charity.”

St Paul in 1 Corinthians refers to the ‘Love feast’ of the early followers of Christ. But it also appears in other religious traditions with the meaning of “universal loving kindness”
The second word is φιλία which is friendship, affection, an affinity, a sharing, loyalty to friends, country, family and community, often valued more than the base sexuality of. φιλία concerned the deep comradely friendship that developed between brothers in arms who had fought side by side on the battlefield. It was not primarily about sexual relations. It was about showing loyalty to your friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing your emotions with them. Another kind of φιλία is called στοργή , which means affection in both Modern and Ancient Greece, although rarely used in the latter. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. It expresses acceptance or putting up with situations.
A third word in Modern Greek is έρως (érōs) passionate love, with sensual desire and “romantic love”. However, έρως (eros) does not have to be sexual in nature. It can be used to indicate a stronger love than φιλία. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage.

Plato defined éros as being initially felt for a person, but with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, which is where our word ‘platonic’ comes in. He also said éros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by éros. The most famous ancient work on the subject of éros is Plato’s Symposium, which is a discussion among the students of Socrates on the nature of éros. Eros often involved a loss of control that frightened the Ancient Greeks. Reference the ritual worship of Pan or Dionysus or even Priapus Thelema (θέλημα thélēma) means “desire” in Ancient and Modern Greek. It is the desire to do something, to be occupied, or to be in prominence.

Another variety of love was φιλαυτíα or self-love. However, the Ancient Greeks realized there were two types. One was selfishness, where you became self-obsessed and focused on personal fame and fortune. A healthier version enhanced your wider capacity to love. Moderns Greeks tend to use it only in the former sense and often use ιδιοτέλεια (self betterment) instead.

Another Greek love was the mature love known as prágma. This was the deep understanding that developed between long-married couples. Pragma was about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, showing patience and tolerance.
Yes, the Greeks did and do have a word for it. Make sure you use the right one!

NB
Ancient Greece was a civilization belonging to a period of Greek history that lasted from the Archaic period of the 8th to 6th centuries BC to the end of antiquity (ca. AD 600). Included in ancient Greece is the period of Classical Greece, which flourished during the 5th to 4th centuries BC.